HOW TO STOP BEING SHY

Tired of being at home on a Friday night or sitting in a corner when you’re at a party? It doesn’t have to be like that. Here’s how to stop being shy.

If you’re wondering how to stop being shy, the first thing you need to know is that it’s okay to be shy. Many people are, but they imagine a world of only extroverts – what a nightmare.

However, there may be cases where your shyness is stopping you from trying things you want to do, or gives the illusion that you’re really awkward and nervous as a person.

During job interviews, I’m an extrovert. However, take me to a house party with people I don’t know and I’ll be the shyest person in the room. I know what it’s like. But I mean, at some point, you’ll just want to know how to stop being shy.

How to stop being shy – All the tips you need

If you’re reading this feature, it’s because you’re tired of being looked at as the shy one. It’s time to change that. Don’t worry, it’s not as difficult as it sounds, although it can sound impossible. Just read these tips, and you’ll stop being a wallflower in no time.

#1 Just admit it. You’re shy. Just come clean with it. Acknowledge that you’re shy and that you want to overcome it. Only then, you will be able to make the changes necessary to come out of your shell. So, the first thing you have to do it accept who you are.

#2 Address your shyness with your friends and family. Your close friends and family all know that you’re shy. But you can let them know that you’re trying to come out of your shell. Also, let them know that you don’t want to be pressured.

Sometimes your friends think they’re helping you, but they end up pushing and suffocating you. If you let them know, they’ll be more willing to invite you out to events that you typically wouldn’t go to.

#3 Figure out why you’re shy. Were you always shy, or did you slowly develop into a shy person? Look back at some of the events where you were shy. What happened? What were the similar elements in each event? Maybe you became shy in big crowds or generally when you meet new people. There’s always a reason.

#4 Know your comfort zone. Know what you’re comfortable with and where your boundaries are. There are some boundaries that you can’t cross, which is fine. We all have boundaries. However, there are some boundaries that are created due to fear and shyness. So, those are the one you need to figure out if you want to know how to stop being shy.

#5 Don’t create huge goals. Goals are great things to have, however, make them modest in the beginning. What’s the rush? Just take your time in expanding your comfort zone and getting to know yourself. If your goals are too big, you run the risk of overwhelming yourself. I did that once, and then I puked everywhere at the party.

#6 Take baby steps. You don’t have to jump right into it. Baby steps, people. Sure, you can jump right into the pool or you can slowly walk in. I recommend taking baby steps. That way, you won’t shock yourself and retreat back into your comfort zone.

#7 Prepare some conversation starters. If you’re worried that you won’t have anything to say at the party or interview you’re going to, well then, prepare ahead of time. Come up with five basic conversation starters.

It’s best to first look at what event you’ll be attending and then pick the conversation starters. If you’re going to a political event, talking about Rihanna and Drake dating probably isn’t the best choice.

#8 Rehearse what you want to say. As someone who talks to herself, I rehearse what I’m going to say all the time. I’ll play scenes out in my head and come up with things to say.

It actually helps me organize my thoughts and also predict where the conversations will go. So, if you don’t like the element of surprise, this is a great way to relieve anxiety.

#9 Know what you’re good at. It’s important to know what your strengths are. This not only will help you develop confidence, but you also now have some conversation topics at your disposal. See? You do have something to bring to the table, so don’t be worried – everyone has strengths.

#10 Stop worrying about what other people think. Shockingly, nobody cares about you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. People love themselves. Sure, we all comment on each other, but at the end of the day, no one remembers it because we’re too concerned about ourselves. So, if you’re worried about that, don’t be – nobody cares.

#11 Observe extroverts. If you’re not sure how to approach people, watch extroverts. They’re great at making conversation and meeting new people. In this case, it’s okay if you spend some time sitting on the couch at a house party watching people.

You’re basically in “anti-shy” school during that time because you are learning how to stop being shy. So, observe, listen to what they say, and how the physically approach people. 

#12 When in doubt, ask questions. If you don’t know what to talk about with someone, remember, people love talking about themselves. I’m a prime example. Ask me a question about myself and I can yammer on for days.

So, when in doubt, ask them a question. It doesn’t even have to be a philosophical one. Just ask them about their dog or what their tattoo means – that’ll get them going. 

#13 Don’t self-sabotage. Listen, self-deprecation is fine if you’re a comedian and have a high level of self-confidence. However, if you’re shy, do not try to sabotage yourself. Okay, so what? People didn’t like your joke, you’re not an idiot, just move on. If you sabotage yourself, you’re allowing others to follow that behavior.

#14 Stay away from bullies. Shocking, I know. It’s the 21st century, but people can be assholes even after they graduated high school. But it’s not you, it’s them. They probably have a sad home life, so don’t take it personally.

But that being said, I wouldn’t spend my time hanging around them. You’re trying to work on yourself, not help them inflate their self-esteem. So, hang around people who are positive, interesting, and supportive.

#15 Work through the fear. If your friend invites you to a house party and it’s your first one, don’t be so hesitant to go. I mean, unless, it’s some orgy, which is fine, you can go test it out. But remember rule point #6. If you’re fearful of people making fun of you, fight through it. I highly doubt you’re going to get egged at the front door.

#16 If you don’t succeed, try again. Listen, if you went to a house party and you ended up sitting in the corner reading a magazine, it doesn’t mean you’re hopeless. You’re not always going to get it right. By learning how to stop being shy, you’re changing a part of yourself, so you’re going to fail a couple times and it’s going to be hard.

But, like anything, you can’t let that discourage you. Put the magazine down, and go talk to the guy on the couch. Yeah, he’s passed out drunk, but it’s good practice.

If you want to get out of your shell, it’s totally doable! You can learn how to stop being shy. Just follow these steps, and you’ll be wondering why you were even shy in the first place.